Is This You? Time We Talked About: Facial Hair

This is a subject that was not talked about during my growing-up years. The women’s revolution has created quite a buzz about things that were never talked about outside of the bathroom. I am not too sure that each and everything that happens in the bathroom needs to be discussed at such lengths as they are now. But! Yes, a coarse hairy “but.” Facial hair on a lady has come to a growth point that even those with bad eyesight can no longer ignore.

For years, the act of going bald was talked about. So loudly that finally, somehow, the act of regrowing hair was taken seriously. Now, there are treatments, creams, sprays, and transplants to keep men’s heads, and some women's too, all covered with curls and the like. Quite remarkable, actually. In recent years past, movie stars like The Rock, Vin Diesel, and even Bruce Willis have taken razor to head and made being bald quite a fashion statement. Even women have come clean and are turning heads with their beautiful skin all a glow up top. Kudos to them.

However, for those same years, as I and some of my friends became “mature,” I have stated more than once, citing “they,” whoever “they” are. “If “they” can spend all that money on how to grow hair back--why can’t “they” spend some R&D money on how to stop hair from growing?” There, I have thrown down the hairy gauntlet. 

Throughout the menopausal attack on a lady’s mind and body, this hairy face deluge is one thing that is so prominent as to keep women on the ultimate hunt for relief. 

Oh, mighty Google, what is the answer? Here is a short list of hair removal ideas. Trust me here: none of them work 100%. None of them work forever.

There is shaving, tweezing, plucking, waxing, threading, sugaring, lasers, over-the-counter creams, and some prescription creams. Breathe. Mixing up sugar, corn starch, and egg to make a mask, turmeric, epilation, and electrolysis. Hey, I bet there may even be mystical chants women could try. Of all those wonderfully useless ways, they all have pain involved. Yes, even shaving. Why do you think a man puts on some sort of burn extinguisher manly-smelling concoction on his face after shaving? Because shaving dries out his skin as the razor rips hair off taking any moisture with each swipe. Think of what that does to a lady’s delicate flower of a face.

Some tries at having what would be, in essence, a bald face are extremely costly. Like paying for someone to slap, scratch, pluck, pick at, and burn your face. All to remove those little bugger hairs. Just like the Terminator, though, “They Will Be Back!”

Every woman has a hairy face story. Mine is this. When I was in my late teen years I was at the dentist. A nice monster of a guy who had just finished two hours of grinding, drilling, picking, and jackhammering in my pie hole. He was standing chairside, telling me my teeth were probably the worst he had ever seen when he reached over to whisk away a hair that he saw lying on my chin. Yes, it was attached. Haha. I’m not sure who was more mortified, Dr. Drill or I.  That was the beginning of my lifelong hairy situation.

I was in a hair salon one day when I noticed the lady in the next chair had been put in a lying position by her beautician. Not to stare, but I asked my gal what they were doing. Aarrgghh. She was having her entire face waxed. Not just her lip, not eyebrows, not chinny chin, chin. Her entire face, from hairline to neck and a bit beyond. I was told that this poor woman came in once a month and more often in summertime for some reason. Just to be laid back while hot wax was creamed over her face and then ripped off one section at a time. Yeowch.

Every woman I know has some sort of story. Every woman I know deals with this in the bathroom of her life. Every woman I know would follow me to the ends of the earth to find the magic beans that would grow a hair removal, once and done without pain treatment. She may even consider selling her husband to grab that brass ring. 

If you have a regiment that works, I want to know about it. If you have a home remedy from your Great Aunt Olga from the old country, cough it up. You know, like a hairball!

Trina lives in Diamond Valley, north of Eureka, Nevada. She enjoys hearing from and learning about her readers. E-mail her at [email protected].

Really!