Captain’s Log – I need…

There’s a song by a woman I’ve listened to over the years whose name, at this moment in time I can’t remember as the tune, “I Need” runs through my head. Looking through my trusty iTunes, it is surprising how many songs there are about being in need of one thing or another. 

From Don Williams to Jelly Roll and Julio Iglesias to Meredith Brooks – that’s her – “needing” is apparently a pretty solid theme for songs. 

Over the years one of the things I’ve noticed as I’ve kept a journal is how often there are mentions through the pages of, “I need to…” 

An inordinate amount of my life has been spent needing to run kids around, clean the house, the truck, the garage, get organized, get fit, and on and on and on it goes, needing to get stuff done. 

It actually started to bug me one day so now I write, “I would like to…” or “Wouldn’t it be nice if…” instead.

Another interesting thing eternal introspection revealed, is the constant mom scan that started when my life revolved around children – and the weirdness that as they all live far away and have their own lives, still continues. When they were little my subconscious brain would always be running a scan… “that one is at ball practice, that one is at work, that one has chores,” as soon as their location in the world was mentally checked, then I could go on about my business. 

The other day as I left my office late in the day, the mom scan ran really quick – Oakland, North Dakota, Spring Creek, and then began the “I need…” scan. It sort of goes from the gas gauge to the grocery store to whatever else is going on.

For the first time in my life, I couldn’t think of one single thing I needed. Not a thing, not a to do, no rush or hurry or scrambling from here to there. All that was left to do was drive home in the golden sunset and enjoy my place and my pets. 

What a lovely, foreign feeling. What a joy. 

So while we get used to whatever grown up phenomena this is, we’ll still be right here…

…Keeping you Posted.

Rach