Many people struggle with mental illness. Many other people struggle to love them. Loving someone with mental illness is an unending and painful rollercoaster ride with no end in sight. Mental illness can be hard to identify and even harder to diagnose, not because a clinician is not capable of diagnosing a mental illness but because, for the most part, someone with mental illness may not believe they have a problem and can reject help. Having a mental illness is not against the law, however, most of the time getting help requires legal intervention. As a therapist, you have the ability and legal obligation to hold someone in protective care for 72 hours. But the hold is the last resort and should only be used as a means to prevent someone from suicide or homicide. Only a licensed professional has the ability to do this and must justify the hold. Families of persons with mental illness do not have the ability to hold an adult without their consent.
If you love someone with a mental illness you may struggle for years before your loved one gets help. Such is the case of an acquaintance of mine who gave me permission to tell her story. I will call her Jill and she has 2 sons. Her oldest was in his 20s, engaged to be married, had a great job, and was purchasing his first home when schizophrenia struck. Within months he lost everything, while Jill struggled to get him help, he became homeless and estranged from the family.
This is Jill’s story of loving her son.
“The complications of schizophrenia…where do I start? Watching your loved one diminish into nothing but a hollow soul and lose everything they have worked so hard for was the hardest thing. Watching is all you can do because when they are over 21, there is nothing you can do, especially with the legal system’s failure. Hearing that your son was arrested for auto theft because he stole a semi-truck and thought he was on a yacht, frightening (he only served jail time and was never sent for an evaluation). Hearing that your son was arrested for arson for lighting a dumpster on fire because he was burning things he didn’t want “them” to see, frightening (again jail time only and still no evaluation).
Taking your son groceries and getting physically attacked and having to testify against him so he would be held in jail longer, so you know that he’s in a safe place, excruciating. Watching your son’s face sink in because he won’t eat because he thinks his food is poisoned, heart-wrenching. There are so many other terrifying and heartbreaking instances. But then, when he is finally sent off for help (because as a mom you throw a fit and have it out with the ER doctor out of anger and desperation for help) and he returns a whole new person, never again to be 100%, but so much better is priceless. Having him over for dinner and holidays and conversing with him, priceless. Having him text you when you are out of town telling you how much he misses you, priceless. Having your son back as a loving and functioning person is a feeling like no other. The emotional rollercoaster as a mother, going through this with your son is excruciating. The most important thing is to never, never, give up hope…never give up hope.
“And tonight, I’m in the ER with him…it appears he may have stopped taking his antipsychotic medication and has spiraled somewhat. I’ve been noticing small changes but just thought it was anxiety related. They say he had so much anxiety and sleep deprivation that it put him over the edge. I’m an emotional mess and my heart is breaking… He’s been taking his medications after all…”
Schizophrenia is a complicated mental illness that presents itself in thousands of ways. The criteria and diagnosis are clearly defined. Getting someone in for an assessment is difficult when they are an adult because after all, it’s not against the law to be mentally ill.
Comment
Comments