Is This You? Seriously. Why are there centipedes?

I was not born in a box. I was not found in a cabbage patch. I came into the world in the usual way. Caught midfall by some doctor many, many years ago. I have always asked what are sometimes considered questions that most people never think of. But! Yes, a well thought out and designed “but.” More often than not, as soon as I ask some “off the wall” question, I can see a light go on behind eyeballs. 

Like today’s question; Why are there centipedes?

Since I am a Christian, I believe that He put everything on my Mother Earth just for me. Okay and for you too. I have over the years tried to learn and put into practice that sharing part of life. Except for those little candies, Smarties. Smarties are too small to share, so get your own little colorful roll of sugary goodness. Sucking a mouthful of Smarties and moving along.

In the past few warming days the bugs are on the move. Sadly not just outside. I have become a haven for two of the ugliest bugs around. Centipedes and earwigs. I had earwigs in my question, but was too long so I picked the centipedes. Oh, but make no mistake we will also be discussing those prehistoric bugs that really have no reason to exist. At least not in Casa Trina.

First though the hundred legged, two hundred shoe wearing multi-functional scurrying things that will cause my heart to squeeze in an extra beat as I go in for the kill. Yes, the kill. There could be tarantulas here. There could be cobras here. There could be scorpions here. Oh wait we do have scorpions. But no tarantulas or cobras. Always, always look for the silver lining.

I read that the only reason I have centipedes is that they are looking for other bugs to feed on. That does NOT make me feel better. The fact that they don’t bite, gnaw, nest or otherwise possibly set up housekeeping in my hair, no, even that does not quell my EWE of seeing one of these “house centipedes” scurrying across my kitchen floor. I really did know a lady who went to the hairdresser in the 60’s and found a black widow spider had set up housekeeping in her beehive. We of that time period have all heard that story. I have a friend, Debbie Reck, who has “done hair” since the 70’s and I often want to ask her if she ever found tiny hairy livestock in a client’s hair. Maybe that would make me have icky dreams. Note to self…don’t ask.

Knowing the centipede is just doing what centipedes do does not give it permission to do it in my house. So-out comes a tissue and I kindly offer a helping hand to heaven.

Oh, but the earwig! Now here is special little creature. I caught one going up and over my new thick rug the other day. I had just watered a plant and had the plastic cup in my hand and just bent over and scooped it up. I took some time and looked at it. Carefully and with both awe and EWE. Just a few days before I caught one in the bathroom, grabbed it with a tissue and gave it a few good finger squished and then threw the whole thing in the porcelain throne. I am not one to flush just to get rid of a dead bug so I walked away. Sometime later Mother Nature called and I answered. As I was getting up, I noticed movement! Yes, that prehistoric creature was alive and crawling up the side of the bowl. So I flushed and held the handle until every drop of water had swirled away. I am still trying not to think of the stories of things coming back up the sewer into toilets all across America. That couldn’t happen. Doesn’t happen. Wouldn’t happen. Right?!

So when I picked up that new visitor into my plastic cup it occurred to me that just tossing it in the toilet was not the answer. So I filled the cup about ¾ way up with water and watched it swim around. I looked at it. Right in what I am supposing were his beady eyes and said to it, “You have chosen poorly.” Then I went to the kitchen sink, turned on the water and the garbage disposal and wished him happy landings on the “other side.” Hey I am hedging my bets just in case I meet up with a zillion dancing earwig pieces when I die.

You just never know do you? Plan your bug extermination moves well my friends, plan your moves.

Trina lives in Diamond Valley, north of Eureka, Nevada. She loves to hear from readers. Email her at [email protected]

Really!