Is This You? Inside The Freezer

I just watched a show where the family had a chest-type freezer. The reason they had a chest freezer was that the dad was a hired hit man and he kept his “hits” in the bottom of the family freezer. Yes, under the rocky road ice cream. That is why I will always have an upright freezer. Well, that isn’t the only reason. But. Yes, a freezer-burnt “but.” That is a good reason to not have a chest freezer.

No surprises on the bottom. Here’s one for you. Try saying “burnt but” three times fast! Just saying.

There are plenty of hidden surprises in my freezer, without having the odd fellow wrapped in plastic waiting to be found by the unsuspecting neighbor. Okay, enough with the dead guy stuff. Let’s slide along on the popsicle express.

My freezer is out in the garage. When I was growing up, the family’s freezer was on the back porch. My mother-in-law had a kitchen that could accommodate a big refrigerator, and right next to it was the freezer. That was the first time I ever saw a refrigerator without a freezer on the top, or bottom, or on the side. Because the set was one huge refrigerator, and one freezer. I was impressed, but I never was able to afford that kind of luxury. So my freezer has always lived out in the garage.

I was out there yesterday, grazing for something to take out for dinner, when I noted this: I have become a freezer hoarder. Yes, for some strange reason my freezer has taken on the look of a true hoarder. All it needs are little paths from one shelf to the next, and everything covered with dust and cobwebs. But other than that? Oh my good gravy, Marie! What a jumble of food. I think I could feed a small country for a year with what is in there. I was kind of embarrassed at the inventory.

I have a friend with a big family and they have a lot of Sunday lunches with guests. They also have their own beef and they hunt, so they need a lot of freezer space. They have chest freezers. Most of the ranchers I know have chest freezers. When you look in most of them, everything is in order and stacked well so the ladies know where the packages of flank steaks are in reference to the pot roasts. Very organized and actually rather pretty when you look in their freezers.

In my freezer, you just open the door and grab whatever falls out before it hits you on the toe! Yesterday it was a pork loin. I got it free during a buy-one-get-one-free sale. I ate the one I paid for. The free one I am saving for... Apparently when I am feeling like I deserve a free pork loin.

When I got this freezer, I was already a widow, so I hooked on a trailer, drove 250 miles, bought it, brought it home, took out the old one, and set the new one up—in the garage. It was so pretty and so empty.

At first, I put in the things from the old freezer—the stuff that didn’t go bad when it died and I didn’t notice for two days. When I began to put things in there, I was so proud of myself. The chicken went on one shelf. Beef on a shelf and pork yet a third. There was plenty of room for all the leftover stuff. Frozen juice, bread, and bagged flour from the huge bag I bought at Costco because I was going to bake lots for Christmas.

I did not bake for Christmas.

Which is why now in my freezer there are packages of candied fruit and lots of different nuts and chocolate bars. I am ready for the baking apocalypse.

About 15 years ago, Crayola had a crayon anniversary and I bought the tin with all the colored crayons they ever made. It is in the freezer. Waiting to be worth a million bucks. Yes, I am that girl.

There apparently was a time when some store had pies on sale, and I always buy croissants by the dozen. I know, I just know under something somewhere there are two rising crust pizzas out there. I have looked a couple of times for them. But found something else before I uncovered the pizzas.

And I know, I just know somewhere out there I bought and froze some tenderized round steaks to make finger steaks. They too, will still be good when I come across them. They can’t be older than the freezer. Goodness, it was new four, maybe five years ago. AARRGGHH!!

Trina lives in Diamond Valley, north of Eureka, Nevada. She loves to hear from readers. Email her at [email protected]

Really!