It has happened to all of us. The kids pile into the car after a long school day, and you ask, “How was school today?” Most of the time, we’re met with silence — or, if we’re lucky, a mumbled, “Fine.” Yikes. That’s not the response you were hoping for. Here are some helpful tips to encourage your child to open up and talk.
Give them a little break — Remember, your child has just spent seven hours learning, and their brain needs a moment to decompress. Sometimes, taking time to relax, having a snack together, or simply enjoying a few quiet minutes can provide the recharge they need — and may make them more willing to talk.
Encourage them to focus on themselves — Your child may benefit from a few minutes doing something they enjoy. Whether it’s playing outside, riding a bike, or drawing a picture, give them the chance to engage in an activity of their choice. They might prefer to do this alone or with you, so ask what they’d like. After spending most of their school day doing what others expect, allowing your child some time to focus on their interests can go a long way in helping them open up.
Ask specific questions — Broad questions like “How was your day?” often lead to vague answers like “Fine.” Instead, try asking more targeted questions. Here are a few suggestions — but remember to space them out. It’s a friendly chat, not an interrogation:
- What was the best part of your school day?
- What was something interesting you learned in science, history, or reading today?
- What made you sad today?
- Who did you sit with at lunch?
- What game did you play in P.E.?
- Name two things you liked about today.
- What project are you working on in art?
- Who did you play with at recess?
- Name something you wish you could have changed about today.
- What songs did you sing in music today?
- Who were you kind to today?
Knowing your child’s schedule — such as when art is on Tuesdays or what they’re covering in earth science — helps you ask more specific questions. If your child is particularly quiet but enjoys history, asking about a subject they like can help get the conversation started.
It’s our task as parents to find the best way to communicate with our children. It isn’t always easy, but remember Proverbs 20:5: “Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.”
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