Is This You? Eatin’ Pie

As the saying goes, “There’s always room for Jell-O.” Well, I am here to tell you that no matter how much you eat in the next few celebratory holiday-dazed days, there will always be room for pie.

I have seen this play many times. After the last platter, bowl, plate, basket, and gravy boat are taken off the table, out comes the pie. Now, come on, admit it. In our Americanistic enthusiasm, we usually, after a family gathering meal, have more than one kind of pie offered. Apple, pumpkin, pecan. Something called mincemeat. Not really sure what that is, actually. Not going to spend my pie budget finding out either. There are cream pies, banana, chocolate, and cheesecake, which, as we all know, is really pie, not cake.

One thing about pie is that there are many ways to eat it. Not just with which topping to choose. I mean we can probably agree that warm apple pie needs either a slice of cheese or a scoop of creamy sweet vanilla ice cream. Pumpkin pie, as I have learned over the years cannot have too much whipped cream mounded on its orangeness from pointed tip to the crust. No, I want to discuss how we eat pie. Your mind is racing, isn’t it? How do you eat pie?

First of all, after, say, the Thanksgiving meal, pie is offered in mass, what is your response? “Oh nooooo. Not pie!” or “OOOO, what kind is there?” It took many years for me to realize that if I want pie, I can have pie. So can you. After a family or potluck or even an everyday meal, pie is considered free food. How do I figure that? Well, I have noticed that when someone is offered pie after a big meal, usually someone will say, “Just a small slice - of each!” Yes, “just a small slice.” I mean, if you just have a small slice, how in the name of lemon meringue pie could there be very many calories in “just a small slice?” My Trina logic is really hard to dispute. A small slice? It couldn’t be detrimental. Even if you indulge in just a small slice of apple, pumpkin, and pecan. Maybe even a small slice of that mincemeat thing. Could it? Nope! Small is equal to free food.

Now, let’s talk about how we all eat pie. We all know those who start at the pointed end and eat to the crust. Those are the regular pie eaters. Many leave the ring of the crust. Why? Is it too burnt, hard, dry? Perhaps that is where you think the calories are hiding. Not in the creamy banana pudding and three inches of fluffy Cool Whip heaped on the top. No, the calories are in the crust. Yeah, sure they are.

I have seen pie eaten from the crust end to the tip. That one is weird. Okay, all the cards on the table. That is how I eat pie. I don’t really enjoy the crust, but here is my thinking. If I am going to subject my happy body to pie and the sugar and fat and sugar (already said sugar, didn’t I?) If I am going to throw all those good calories down my “pie hole,” I should eat what most of us think is the icky part first: the crust. Sort of as a punishment. And then I can, of course, reward myself with the main event of pie. The filling.

With a two-crusted pie, there are those who eat the top crust and the filling and leave the rest. There are those who “mine” out the filling and leave both top and bottom crusts. I have yet, in my many blabbity blabbity years, I have never seen anyone eat the crust and leave the filling. I would seriously have anyone who does that examined by the pie police. Don’t kid yourself. There are pie police. They are the ones who really only cut “a small piece” of pie. 

Just one more slice on this subject. How many pieces do you cut a pie into? I mean a regular piece of pie. It seems there are those who will take a pie and cut it into eight, yes, eight pieces. On the other end, some will take a pie and cut it into four pieces. The “norm” seems to be six. It may just depend on what kind of pie eater you are. The filling-only eaters will be big old four-piece pie cutters. My heroes.

Ah. pie. Such a versatile dessert. Truly a dessert that goes from fruit to nuts.

Trina lives in Diamond Valley, north of Eureka, Nevada. Her books are available here  www.theeurekacountystar.com  or email her at [email protected]

Really!