By Ginny Bragg
July means different things to different people. For Yessenia Maldonado and many others, July is Bereaved Parents Awareness Month. It’s a time that has a great deal of meaning to those who have lost a child. It is a time dedicated to promoting awareness of a parent’s life after the loss of their child.
Many parents who have lost a child put a great deal of effort into attempting to hide their grief. It’s not discussed, talking means thinking about the loss that is too painful to bear. The pain must be kept hidden. Bereaved Parents Awareness Month is only mentioned when a parent is forced to join the club no parent ever wants to join. We wish you could understand us – without ever becoming one of us.
There are some things we do want you to know. We are normal. When someone sees us, they may think we are no longer ourselves, but we are ourselves – only changed. Our child may have died but, we still have to keep living our lives, we learn how strong we are by getting through one day after another as the years go by. We want you to see our normalcy, not the shadow of our child’s death, but the memories we have learned to embrace. Memories that make us stronger.
There was a time when it felt like it would be impossible to survive the loss of our child. But we do. There is no choice. We have to take care of our other family members. We have to process our grief and loss. In time, we learn to smile again. While this may seem like a triumph, it is usually coupled with guilt. But we push through. Trust me, each smile has been earned.
As parents, we are constantly reminded our child is gone. There is no expiration on our grief, not until we take our last breath. What many may not know is talking about them doesn’t make us feel bad, it lets us know you remember them too. And we appreciate that. Often, we want to talk about our children. It is how that how we keep them alive in our minds.
Yessenia Maldonado is like me. She is a bereaved mom and a card-carrying member of our Angel Moms club. I asked Yessenia to tell her story because it is an important story for her to tell.
Shawnee's Story - She gained her Angel Wings
I was happy to be finishing my second associate degree, to have been able to finish the program while working as a Bi-lingual Preschool Instructional Aide for the Churchill County School District. I was so excited to be moving forward to my lifetime career. I didn't know that 24 hours later my family’s lives would change.
It was June 4th, 2005, and I was heading out the door for class. I felt an unusual heaviness in my chest as I kissed Mateo and Shawnee goodbye. I needed to stay home, but this was the last of my schooling, the beginning of good things for all of us. I needed to finish my studies.
Later, I recalled leaning over Shawnee to kiss her forehead and feeling a pang hit my gut. She said, “I love you, mommy,” and gave me the "I love you" sign. I had been teaching her sign language since she was eight months old, it was “our language.”
I stopped in Fernley to pick up a couple of classmates, all the time aware of an odd feeling. By two o’clock the feeling had turned to anxiety, I was constantly wondering what was wrong. Why was no one answering the phone at home? Unable to focus on classwork, I drove home.
There was an ambulance parked in front of the house. An officer tried to keep me out until I told him my family was inside. Mom came out and told me it was Shawnee. She had gone missing; my dad had pulled her out of the ditch. My father was so terribly upset as we followed the ambulance to the hospital.
The doctor came out to give us several updates, he wanted to care flight her to the pediatric trauma center in Reno. I signed the consent forms but was not willing to have them revive her. When I finally got to see her, nearly two hours later, she was so pale and cold. The medical staff was able to regain her heartbeat and breathing, but they couldn’t stabilize her body temperature. While she was being moved to the gurney for the flight, she lost her vitals. I remember looking at her, thinking how my beautiful angel was no longer there. She couldn't tell me she was cold or that she hurt. I let her go.
That was the day that made me part of the club of bereaved parents. Shawnee will forever be missed by so many.
If you are struggling with grief over the loss of a child. You are not alone. Many resources are available at www.grief.net, also Fallon has many licensed counselors available to offer counseling, guidance, and one-on-one counseling and support.
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