Go to main contentsGo to search barGo to main menu
Tuesday, June 18, 2024 at 10:03 PM

The Feral Housewife's Weekly Horoscopes

The Feral Housewife's Weekly Horoscopes

Capricorn- December 22 - January 19 Enjoy the slow pace the start of the week offers you. It will not last long. Go lose yourself in nature. Take time to meander and smell the roses. You will find yourself amongst a cast of curious characters, some who you have forgotten and some who are more than happy to introduce themselves for the first time. This weekend all of that crazy, unfortunately, follows you home. When you feel like going crazy and staying in bed hiding, everyone will understand!

Aquarius- January 20 - February 19 Be ready for that blast from the past headed your way. Someone you have long forgotten about will be calling this week, and just like that the week begins with curious discoveries in more curious places! You will find yourself lucky in love this week. When plans do not seem to go your way, make sure you do not let that ruin the weekend. You have so much to enjoy!

Pisces-February 20 - March 20 The entire week ahead of you is like a fuzzy blanket every day. Enjoy it. You have warmth and home oozing from everything you do this whole week. Enjoy the comfort, and you will feel refreshed and rejuvenated for next week when things get to be a little more practical on you. That special someone you have been enjoying time with is sensual and so mysterious. Make sure to spend some extra time enjoying them!

Aries- March 21 - April 10 In proper ram form, you will butt through the obstacles that present themselves this week. It gives you something to work through with your incredible charm. When the blocks in front of you are lifted mid-week, you find yourself celebrating as the confetti rains down. Take time on Sunday to celebrate the successes!

Taurus- April 21 - May 20 Well, look at you, Casanova. You are all about the feelings of love and romance. This week you feel like the star of your very own romance novel. Wednesday, you are more worried about your ever diminishing wallet and that big decision you have to make regarding your work. The love sneaks back in right in time for the weekend.

Gemini- May 21 - June 20 You have come so far, and you continue to make considerable strides in all areas of your life, even if you are left feeling like you have accomplished nothing. When a work problem has you cross-eyed and flustered, ask for help you will understand and whoop it easily. As the weekend draws near, there will be some discord amongst friends, but you will smooth it out quickly.

Cancer- June 21 - July 22 Ay ay, Captain! You are the Captain of the ship this week, and you sure feel it Monday! When you are stressed, overwhelmed, and irritable mid-week, you do have the power not to let it show. Keep your game face on. You do not want to let the crew think the ship is sinking, do you? Emotions are running at an all-time high, so put your best self forward and communicate clearly and calmly to manage the situation.

Leo-July 22 - August 22 You have made it. You have succeeded in legendary fashion. When someone asks you about life goals this week, you will have a response filled with pride and modesty, which is not as paradoxical as it seems. This week you are feeling on top of the world. You are happy and in control of things. Pull out that diary and document this monumental feeling.

Virgo- August 23 - September 22 The fluttery feeling of the unknown should not deter you. When you get the pre-travel jitters, approach it with grace. You control the wheel to life, steer in the direction you wish to go. When you wake up Thursday, you must make the decision right that instant about what kind of day it will be for you, only you have to power to navigate that!

Libra-September 23 - October 22 A conflict that has been brewing might be a case of two people that are so similar they cannot seem to see eye to eye. Bring in a peace offering, preferably baked goods, to smooth things over and find some common ground to laugh about. Keep the laughter going when you get together with friends this week. You will have plenty of time for R&R Sunday.

Scorpio- October 23 - November 22 Establishing boundaries will leave you feeling like a tug of war is happening that you cannot seem to control. Be upfront with your boundaries and that you need to have respect. There are some areas where give and take are acceptable. You have a very stress-filled financial situation that will bring others in to help you sort it out. This weekend you will get what you want before you even had the opportunity to ask for it.

Sagittarius- November 23 - December21 Stop worrying about the future. It takes all of the time you so desperately need to accomplish things happening right now and does you absolutely no good. You cannot keep trying to count your chicks before they hatch. You will have to go it alone this week when you start to feel like you are overwhelmed, but you will be able to handle it. Sunday holds a little luck for you.

Alicia Parsons grew up in Yerington and has been a dishwasher, teacher’s aide, patient care representative, and debt collector, before landing her current and favorite gig as a feral housewife to Trevor and card-carrying mother-of-the-year to three-and-a-half-year-old Rhett.