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Thursday, May 16, 2024 at 8:32 PM
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Feral Housewife Horoscopes

Feral Housewife Horoscopes


  Capricorn- December 22 - January 19

Fear is said to be a friend, but this week, for you, it is a foe. You should be making big moves in life, and they will work out in your favor. You have the ability to use the sensuality that you are feeling to woo that special someone, so stop doubting yourself and just have the confidence to do it.  Have true confidence, not the usual false bravado you possess. Yes, I said it. Trust yourself and you will flourish, not only in romance, but in profession. Let us see what you are made of! 


  Aquarius- January 20 - February 18

Patience and perseverance will lead to achieving the goals you truly want to achieve, if you can reign in your desperate need to break free and do it yourself. You have a dramatic change in life direction and money coming at the start of the week, but if you don’t proceed with caution, the outcome will not be pleasant. Choices should be well thought out or they will lead to total loss of what you have worked toward. Show your dedication and strong work ethic, and complete the difficult tasks you have been putting off!  When someone comes to you for guidance, remember to show the best you have, and don’t forget to seek out wisdom from those who have been there before. 


  Pisces- February 19 - March 20

You have the confidence of royalty this week, which will stun those around you with a new side they have never seen before. You will step out of your bubble and turn into a sexual mermaid. You are going to be drawn to beautiful and graceful things. Anything gentle and flowing will be the path you take. There is a sexual and sensual flow around you that everyone will see and feel as you navigate this week. The sultry seduction of femininity, yes even you men, has you living in red this weekend. Enjoy the ride… 


  Aries- March 21 - April 19

 This week, you will have looks of longing from all around you as you blow the doors off the competition. You have a sense of drive that is hard to keep up with as this week starts. Find and build up those confederations around you as these bold ideas will need backing. Midweek, you will start to lag and feel the ‘molly grumbles,” aka feel down in the dumps.  By helping someone this weekend, you will find a renewed sense of self. 


  Taurus- April 20 - May 20

Who knew that you could pull off patience and open mindedness and even a rooting sense of stability?! Of course, you did. These great traits you have adopted will be hard to find midweek, but try to be flexible unless you are looking for a fight, and a fight you will get. This weekend, try to find yourself a herd of like-minded compadres to share goals and compare. 


  Gemini- May 21 - June 20

You will be struggling to communicate on every level. If you want to survive this week, make sure that you take extra time to spell out and communicate. You have some stage 5 clinger tendencies this week that are going to lead to friction. Single or partnered, you are going to feel an urge to run while losing all sense of self love. In professional life, you are going to kill it. You have an understanding this week that to bow to dominant men will result in that promotion. Just be careful you don’t bow too far! 


  Cancer- June 21 - July 22

Well, howdy, you sex god you! This week is filled with good juju and great sex. You will find yourself with a sense of wanderlust and the stars say go for it. Whatever change you are seeking, you will find it without the usual turmoil. You will be feeling yourself this weekend, and you have an air about you that screams for attention and love. You will get it this weekend and, in all you do, the meetings will be worth it.  So, say yes, take the leap, and kiss n tell! 


  Leo- July 23 - August 22

Good news. This week you have an abnormal sense of subconscious and will be starting the week deep in conversation regarding a relationship. You will feel calm about the decision to stay or go. You will be able to reign in bad habits and let go of things that cause your focus to stray. Quit wasting time on the things that don’t benefit you and stop pushing things that you know you cannot accomplish.  Don’t allow all the praise and recognition to go to your head or agree to more than you can handle. 


  Virgo- August 23 - September 22

This week will be a very informative one for your partners, because you are going to find the freedom of expression in all aspects of life. Be careful with that sword tongue of yours.  You will want to stop and tell everyone how it is, but this week isn’t the time to let loose, even if they deserve it. This weekend, you will have the warm and tingly feelings of love surrounding you. Go ahead and enjoy that tenderness while it lasts. 


  Libra- September 23 - October 22

Just remember that you don’t have to fight change. The nature of life is all about change and it is nothing to be scared of. Stop trying to row up a waterfall and ride the waves.  This week you will find yourself in a position to be the rock for those around you. You will be feeling the creative, strong, romantic vibes all around. If you find yourself screaming soul mate internally, don’t be surprised. Your strong sense of responsibility and determination will pay off. Just keep at it! 


  Scorpio- October 23 - November 21

This week you are feeling sultry, and with good reason. The stars have aligned perfectly for you in all areas of spirituality and creativity. You will have a very strong sense of connection and femininity this week, connecting deeply with those around you, especially your partner. You will be happy to host a gathering this weekend and spend the remainder of it wrapped around your partner in languid cuddles and kisses.  New beginnings are nothing to fear. You can take the world on with your spirit this week. 


  Sagittarius- November 22 - December 21

One breath at a time, sweet Sag. That suffocating sense of anxiety is overwhelming, but it is just the moon and it will pass. Don’t rush into acting on the turmoil you are feeling. Trust yourself to have the answers to the chaos. You will be exceptionally perceptive this week and it will lead to those around you appreciating the intuition you have to share. Go ahead and embrace the daydreamy ideas you have, but don’t forget the goal you have in mind. You will need to work hard and keep your eyes on the prize. 

Alicia Parsons grew up in Yerington and has been a dishwasher, teacher’s aide, patient care representative, and debt collector, before landing her current and favorite gig as a feral housewife to Trevor and card-carrying mother-of-the-year to three-and-a-half-year-old Rhett.


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